The Grey Doesn't Know What She's Missing (from The Batmom August 2012)

I failed at Women Read Comics in Public Day Tuesday.

I forgot the “in Public” part and spent 25 minutes taking photos of myself reading comics in my empty house. Which I will save for Women Read Comics in Front of Living Room Mirrors Day.

To make up for my failure, I named today Cats Read Comics in Bunk Beds Day.

And failed again.

The Cat is a hybrid animal; part cat, part dog, part human, part superbeing. His sister, The Grey, is all feline.

The Cat will come running from five rooms away when called.

When called from two feet away, The Grey stays hidden in the closet, refusing the reveal. 

The Cat is the American mayor of our house, glad-handing everyone who walks through our door. 

The Grey is the British patriarch, making only the well-chosen appearance and, even then, remaining aloof if non-familiars are present.

Like her human counterpart Elizabeth, The Grey offers unwavering loyalty to a chosen few, namely me.

Today was to be The Grey’s day to shine. With the TV dulling my children’s intellects, I grabbed my camera and searched the house. I found her snoozing in a bunk bed. Thankfully today isn’t Cats Reading Comics in a Laundry Basket Day, or I would have been screwed.

I slipped Marceline in next to her.

 Marceline, as Adventure Time fans well know, is both ancient and teenager, a vampire wandering the Land of Ooo pulling pranks and ever-seeking red. Not blood. Red. Unlike her forebears, Marceline needs only suck red items. Any red items. The red from summer raspberries. The red from a stop sign. The red from the ugly plastic trashcan I keep in my fireplace for recycling paper.

Marceline rocks. So much so that kaboom! studios has given her a 6-issue series, “Marceline and the Scream Queens,” during which she and her rock band travel around Ooo seeking fame, fortune, and red.

Adventure Time and Marceline’s spinoff offer much to love. They’re funny, they’re weird, they have robots (BMO) and bad guys (the Ice King) and rock-and-roll vampires and people called Blooobians and stories called “Grumpy Butt” AND they have the best princess ever.

Daughter loves her because she’s pink and her name is Princess Bubblegum. I love her because she’s an inventor and band manager and totally devoted to her princess duties in an overly earnest, extremely funny way.

 Quote: “I love being a scientist and managing a rock band, but I would never let music or science distract me from my princess duties. Because being a princess and ruling the Candy Kingdom is my job!”

It’s hard not to love Princess Bubblegum. It’s hard not to adore Marceline and The Scream Queens.

Unless you’re The Grey, who found it easy to disdain. As soon as Marceline hit the allergen-proof mattress cover on which The Grey was sleeping, The Grey turned up her nose. 

Whether she was turned off by Marceline’s deviance from traditional vampire lore or just hoping from some god-damned peace and quiet, The Grey was having none of the comic book or the comic book photo session. Finally, as I heard the insipid closing theme song of Strawberry Shortcake, I snapped the above photo.

It does justice to neither The Grey nor Marceline, but it will have to do.

Happy Cats Read Comics in Bunk Beds Day, everyone!