Bedtime; or, Why I Am Downstairs Again (from The Batmom November 2012)

1) I have a secret. The secret is that I would like you to buy edamame and green beans.

2) I would like Daddy to know my secret, too. The one about the edamame.

3) I am bleeding. Right there. RIGHT THERE! Where’s the magnifying glass? See. I’m BLEEDING. Right there. I need a Band-Aid. I need a Barbie Band-Aid. Right there. Where I’m bleeding.

4) My brother had a bad dream. What? He DID fall asleep! He just fell asleep and he just had a bad dream. I just wanted you to know. In case maybe we should hold off on bedtime for a while. You know, ’til everything settles.

5) Look, here he is. My brother. The one who had the bad dream while I was talking about soybeans. He’s really upset. I KNOW he’s playing with that toy on the kitchen table, but he’s totally distraught. Also, remember the edamame and green beans? You do? Good. You need to buy them TOMORROW.

6) You said you would check on us. You said you would check on us in 10 minutes. It’s been 10 minutes. Has it been 10 minutes? Why not? How long is 10 minutes?

7) I heard a noise. I thought it was a monster. What are you doing? Wait, that’s the noise. Why are you doing that? You’re hurting the table with your head. Do you want a Barbie Band-Aid? Do you have the edamame yet? Has it been 10 minutes?